Welcome to cold and flu season.  Welcome to the season of looking at a range of different pharmaceuticals in front of you when you do two things – attempt to read and comprehend them through blood shot eyes, and two, though some did not try very hard, attempt to read it without letting a snot bubble drizzle on the package.  Ok while we wait for those readers who are now reaching from their cold meds so they can sterilize them and remove all traces of snot bubbles…

Well while traveling the other day, I dodged and weaved carefully and quickly through crowds and sprays of germs that I have been trying to avoid for years, I laughed at the face of the danger and I felt mighty.  I was mighty, I was the superwoman everyone always claims that I am.  ROARRRRRR. But I got cocky and one teeny tiny infinitesimal germ waivered from the sea of others and tapped me on the shoulder and decided to spend the night.  I got the germ of the day.  And it mani forget I even existed slept.  At one point my husband texted me to see how I was doing, I responded.  “Well I am”.  Am?  Am what?  What does this mean?  It means I was so unable to do anything BUT sleep that I feel asleep while sending that long text of 9 whole characters – Well I am. We won’t even consider the missing comma after “well”.  The challenge was real folks!  At one point I decided I needed to eat. At this point I tried to use mental telepathy to have it appear next to me. I will even telepathically pass over my AMEX to pay. I close my eyes, turn off everything and think it to be so. No go. Surprised – yeah me too!

The nearest place was a distance from the hotel. 80-90 yards – AT LEAST.  But I throw on a pair of jeans……………over my pajamas, a hoodie, my jacket and off I trekked.  And I made it.  I ordered my soup – trekked all the way back to the hotel, ate it and fell back to sleep.n

Now while I was away I picked up some cold meds at the nearby pharmacy, keeping those snot bubbles to myself.  I had a choice between Beechams and LemSip.  Let’s face it does the name LemSip instill you with confidence that it is a powerful medication?  That is like going to battle with the Sunflowers or the Titans.   LemSip sounds cute, dainty and ladylike.  As if you need to pour it into a bone china mug with matching saucer. Pinkies out and LemSip! No, this is flu season – this is not the time for dainty! Give me the Beechmans!  So directions say, add to hot water and drink.  Sugar may be used, if needed to enhance the flavor.  But just a spoonful.  A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go down — sorry I digressed. I prepped it, I was ready. I fuffed the steam away and put this oozing purple concoction to my lips. Deep breath, be brave and SIP SIP SIP – now swallow. People I don’t care how much sugar you add – it will NEVER become palatable! Good Lord that was nasty! But it helped me sleep – after all I had been awake for all of the best part of 20 minutes! Wow time flies!

Well after work Monday I ate the first meal I had eaten in 3 nights except for the soup.  I was with a friend of mine at the time so we ate, we talked, we laughed and then it was back to the respective rooms to start again tomorrow.  One of the conversations was playing along in my head, so I changed into PJS, washed my face, brushed my teeth, brushed my teeth, brushed my teeth – hey I had to be thorough I had ribs for dinner. I tucked myself into bed, put a movie on, and relaxed for at least 10 ENTIRE seconds. Then I doomed myself. I thought.  I felt so much better but still not close enough to feel human, yet. ANYWAY, it was then that I realized my error.  I did not take the Beechams!  Decision time:

  1. Skip the Beechman’s and consider I had enough sleep this weekend where even if I don’t fall asleep right away I will be good to go.
  2. Get up, take the Beechmans and go back to bed.  This sounds oh so simple.  BUT consider this.  Have you ever taken a sip of coffee or God forbid orange juice after brushing your teeth?  You see where I am going with this…..gross!   I just knew that would pale in comparison to taking Beechman’s after brushing my teeth,  I knew that the flavor alone would make me “toss my cookies” of everything I have ever eaten since birth.  Either that, if I could manage to keep it down long enough to finish the mug of putrid black currant flavored lava, the ensuing heartburn would be enough to recreate the scene in Aliens when Sigourney Weaver gave birth. I would need to switch my esophagus for a Teflon version, indeed! Would my tastebuds ever figure me? What they go out in protest?
  3. Take the Beechman’s, fall asleep (as it does make you mega drowsy) and wake up in  a foreign bathroom some 6 or 7 hours later – hoping that in my zombie like stage that if I did throw up I made it to the correct receptacle.

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I chose A.  So a shout out to any hotel cleaning staff – there was no mess in the telling of this story.  You may now cheer.

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